Dear Real Advice,
I recently got connected with a guy about a month ago, and we went on a couple of great dates. I feel like this could’ve really become something serious…except I just found out that he has to move to California for work in 2 months! I cannot imagine doing a NYC-Cali relationship. He says that we could make it work, and that we could visit each other often, but I am not sure if I can put myself through it. I’ve been in a long distance relationship once before; the guy and I had dated for almost a year when we started the long distance relationship, and he ended up cheating on me with someone who lived close to him. I am afraid of something similar happening. Is this worth pursuing? Could long-distance relationship work when we’ve only known each other about a month?
Scared of Long Distance
Dear Scared of Long Distance,
Is it worth pursing? Only you can answer that question, but I can give you some pointers for where to start.
First, remember that you cannot use your past experience as an excuse to avoid something that might be great. Your ex was your ex, but this guy is a totally different person.
Next, let’s talk about your fear of “I don’t know this guy well enough to make this commitment.” I will argue that that the trust issue has very little to do with how long you’ve known someone. I know couples that dated for years but ultimately broke up because they couldn’t get used to the new routine of long distance relationship, and I know couples who did long distance relationship from the get-go and ended up happily married.
The truth is, the risk that you take is all the same whether you date the guy locally or in a long distance relationship. If you are serious, and he is equally committed, long distance could potentially be a great way to date someone — you will be able to enjoy your own life away from the romantic relationship while focusing on working toward your goal together — marriage. When that day comes, you will be thankful that you gave it a shot.